


Parting is Such a Pain

by Blackbird Song (Blackbird_Song)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epistolary, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 06:48:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5529938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackbird_Song/pseuds/Blackbird%20Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock's on special assignment to the <em>Lexington</em> in December. Kirk is not at all happy with this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parting is Such a Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://ksadvent.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://ksadvent.livejournal.com/)**ksadvent** 2015 to Prompt 20:  
>  "An advent twist on a wonderful Jenna Sinclair story. Spock is ordered away from the Enterprise on a special mission in early December for 3-4 weeks. Jim misses him and sends Spock a silly text. To his delight, Spock texts back (formally). Over the course of the next two weeks, the texts become emails, and get longer. Spock drops his formality and eventually the two men admit to having feelings for one another. Spock returns Christmas Day, surprising Jim who wasn't expecting him for another week. Sexytiems ensue."
> 
> Many thanks to my husband for the beta and to Rhaegal for thoughts on subspace communications and for inspiring a quip in the story. (Those of you who know her will probably recognize which one. ;) )

"Well, whatever it is that's bothering you, Captain, the crew is noticing and you'd better deal with it or you'll have a mutiny on your hands. Sir!" McCoy swept out of the Captain's quarters with that go ahead and court martial me stalk that never failed to get through whatever misplaced shields Kirk gathered about himself.

Even as he took a step toward the door, Kirk knew he'd been out of line and that he owed McCoy a thank you and an apology, but this was December and he didn't do things gracefully in December. Ever. Especially when Spock was gone. Spock was never gone in December. Spock was always the one person who tolerated him in December and shielded the crew from his hatred of holidays in general and winter holidays in particular. Spock could even make him laugh in December.

He forced himself to sit down at his desk and start reading reports. Engineering, check. Navigation, check. Weapons maintenance, check. Medical – he didn't want to look at medical for at least another hour. Science ... he forced himself to look. Chekov's report was adequate but lacked the finesse of Spock's fastidious reports. Reading those was a bit like reading poetry, though if he ever admitted it to the author, Spock would give him a long-suffering look with a possible quip on his, Kirk's, capacity for illogic.

Spock would also be confused by Kirk's pangs of bitter loneliness in his absence.

Kirk signed off on the Science report before he could put his fist through the viewer or take an unfair swipe at Chekov. It wasn't the crew's fault that Starfleet had assigned Spock to the _Lexington_ to assist with the examination and authentication of Vulcan artifacts on a newly discovered orphaned planet near the Neutral Zone. In fact, he'd thought it a very good idea and a massive gesture of reconciliation with Bob Wesley to loan him his best friend – officer – after the disaster of the M-5 wargame.

The pang of Spock's friendship during that incident hit him afresh and forced him to admit that December wasn't all that bad, in and of itself. December was merely an artificial construct designed to apportion time in a manner vaguely consistent with one planet's rotation around its star and he was ... well, not homesick, exactly; more like Spock-sick. And bored. And worried, if he were honest.

He didn't quite pay attention as he seated himself at his terminal, nor did he think too hard about calling up Starfleet's priority Brief Message Service, to which only those with Command grade status had access. Most especially, he didn't think too long or hard about his message before he hit "Send": _Found any good Vulcan cave algorithms yet?_

"I sent that," he muttered to himself. "I actually sent that. And I'm talking to myself." He shook his head, got up and marched himself toward his door to go find or make something to do.

The sound of an incoming priority BMS alert stopped him dead in his tracks. As required by regulations, he sped towards his terminal to ascertain the nature of the message – when had his inner voice turned Vulcan?

>   
>  **19:07:13 CDRSpock** Are you all right, Captain?
> 
> **19:07:40 CAPTKirk** Yes, I'm fine. Just bored.
> 
> **19:08:09 CDRSpock** Then there is no emergency aboard the _Enterprise_?
> 
> **19:08:12 CAPTKirk** Not yet.
> 
> **19:08:20 CDRSpock** Do you anticipate one?
> 
> **19:08:26 CAPTKirk** No, I just miss you.

"Oh ... damn!" Kirk realized he'd just hit "Send" instead of "Delete" and the BMS didn't allow unsending. He'd just input an apology and had his finger poised over the Send key—

>   
>  **19:10:32 CDRSpock** Per Starfleet order 90147.2 we must discontinue our discussion on this channel.
> 
> **19:11:01 CAPTKirk** You're right. Sorry, Spock.
> 
> **19:11:05 CDRSpock** Is this an appropriate time to reach you on your personal IM?
> 
> **19:11:17 CAPTKirk** Yes! And Starfleet should know that you might be keeping me from killing my crew.
> 
> **19:12:25 CDRSpock** Captain, if you are at risk of such action, this might have been an appropriate but unfortunate use of the BMS.
> 
> **19:13:02 CAPTKirk** Understood, Commander. I'll look forward to your soothing logic balm on the appropriate channel.

Kirk winced. "Soothing logic balm?"

A different alert tone sounded on Kirk's terminal, though it took him a moment to recognize it as his all but unused personal instant messaging channel.

>   
>  **Spock 19:14** "Soothing logic balm"?
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:15** Well, it's true, isn't it? How many times have you talked me out of doing something irrational?
> 
> **Spock 19:15** Not as often as I had hoped.
> 
> **Spock 19:17** Jim, are you certain you are all right?
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:18** Yes. Mostly. I'm not going to kill the crew, of course, but December is just ... hard.
> 
> **Spock 19:19** I have noticed that you tend to withdraw during that timeframe in circumstances when you otherwise would not.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:19** I'd hoped it wasn't that obvious.
> 
> **Spock 19:20** It is only apparent to those who know you well.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:20** You do know me quite well, Spock.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:20** Not even McCoy's been inside my head like you have.
> 
> **Spock 19:21** Indeed.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:23** Getting back to my original question: Anything interesting about those artifacts you're examining?
> 
> **Spock 19:24** Nothing that warrants discussion at this time.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:24** Understood. I'll look forward to your report once the work is finished. How is the _Lexington_?
> 
> **Spock 19:25** The repairs after the M-5 incident are adequate and the crew appear to have adjusted normally to new personnel and procedures under Commodore Wesley's command.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:25** That's good to know. Bob's a great commander.
> 
> **Spock 19:25** Indeed. May I ask how the _Enterprise_ is functioning?
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:26** As well as can be expected, given that we have practically nothing to do and most of the crew would rather be back home during the winter holidays. I never realized how maudlin they all get until now! How do you stand it with us?
> 
> **Spock 19:27** Vulcan meditation techniques are most helpful.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:27** Remind me to get a fire shrine next year...
> 
> **Spock 19:28** If it would help, you are welcome to use mine in the interim.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:29** Thanks! I may take you up on that.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:29** How does it work?
> 
> **Spock 19:30** Mr. Scott has been attending to it in my absence. It should require nothing further of you. Please do not touch it without necessity. I do not wish to risk causing you injury.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:31** Much appreciated. I think I'll use it tonight.
> 
> **Spock 19:32** I am glad to offer what help I can.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:32** Your help is always welcome. Even if I don't always feel that way at the time.
> 
> **Spock 19:33** Jim, I must go. Commodore Wesley has just called me to the bridge.
> 
> **Kirk1701 19:33** Understood. Don't be surprised if you hear from me again on this channel!
> 
> **Spock 19:33** I shall welcome your communication. Spock out.

Kirk logged out, checked messages and headed next door to get acquainted with Spock's fire shrine.

*****

 _Captain's Personal Log, supplemental: I have just received word through private channels that the U.S.S._ Lexington _has been fired upon. It is unclear when and there is no official word of casualties, but I can't help worrying about the friends aboard her, especially the one I sent there. I am unable to discuss it with anyone aboard ship, but will keep trying to contact Spock in hopes that he and Bob Wesley are alive and unhurt._

>   
>  **Kirk1701 07:01** Spock, please reply if you're alive. I'd also like to know of Bob's status. This is my tenth message. If I don't hear back from you, I'll use the BMS and take my chances with Starfleet.

Kirk paced his quarters, thinking about his hour in front of Spock's fire shrine and of how much its warmth reminded him of how much he missed his friend. He mulled for the hundredth time the circumstances of the attack. When had it happened? How bad was the damage? Had he distracted Spock from being able to do something to prevent any of it? Was Bob still alive? Was—

He ran for his terminal when the alert sounded.

>   
>  **Spock 07:05** Jim, Commodore Wesley and I are alive. We have both sustained minor injuries and there have been other casualties, two of which are serious.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:05** Spock, I'm very glad to hear from you. What happened?
> 
> **Spock 07:07** The Lexington was attacked at 04:32 by a vessel of unknown origin using a nuclear fission device of sufficient power to defeat our shields and cause a hull breach in the area of the hangar deck. Fortunately, the attacker didn't seem to know where to hit a Constitution class starship to maximize damage. However, the weapon's highly radioactive nature has necessitated close examination of all systems in addition to treatment of radiation burns in crewmembers nearest the hull breach and prophylactic treatment of all on board for radiation poisoning.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:09** What are your injuries?
> 
> **Spock 07:09** Radiation burns on 20% of my body and a fractured rib.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:10** That doesn't sound minor to me! I thought you said nobody was on the hangar deck.
> 
> **Spock 07:11** Correct, Captain. However, I had just returned from the planet with some artifacts that required examination in a science lab and had just secured the exterior and interior doors when the device impacted the hull.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:13** And I bet the ship's medical officer is filling you up with potions that are turning your stomach...
> 
> **Spock1701 07:14** Also correct. I find myself missing Dr. McCoy.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:15** Ha! I'll be sure to pass that along to him. How's Bob Wesley?
> 
> **Spock 07:16** The Commodore suffered a fractured thumb and multiple contusions. He is also having an adverse reaction to the treatment for radiation poisoning.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:17** My sympathies to both of you. I've been through that before. It wasn't fun.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:17** How does this incident affect your timeline?
> 
> **Spock 07:18** Thanks to the efficiency with which we have been performing our mission here, it remains unchanged.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:19** I must admit I'm disappointed that it doesn't mean you'll be back with us earlier.
> 
> **Spock 07:20** I miss you too, Jim.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:21** Message me any time if you need help, okay?
> 
> **Spock 07:21** I shall do as you ask.
> 
> **Spock 07:22** Thank you, Jim.
> 
> **Kirk1701 07:22** Always, Spock. Kirk out.

*****

Ending his shower at 06:35, Kirk toweled off thinking about the soothing properties of meditation. Perhaps it was just meditation in Spock's quarters that did the trick, as the fire shrine was pretty riveting in a quiet sort of way. He found it odd, thinking back on his four years aboard the _Enterprise_ , that when he'd first encountered the shrine it had felt full of menace. He'd never thought of himself a mystic and never really understood it, though his travels had made him aware of things he couldn't quite explain and technologies that seemed to leave what he knew about physics crying bitter tears in a dark corner.

When the message alert sounded, he was at his terminal in less than a second.

>   
>  **Spock 06:39** Vulcans did not create "cave algorithms".
> 
> **Kirk1701 06:40** Good morning to you too, Spock! How are you doing?
> 
> **Spock 06:41** Dr. Samara's potions have rendered me unfit for duty.
> 
> **Kirk1701 06:42** I'm very sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?
> 
> **Spock 06:43** I would be grateful to continue our chess game, if you have some time.
> 
> **Kirk1701 06:43** Sure! It was your turn, right?
> 
> **Spock 06:44** Yes. Bishop to Queen's level three.
> 
> **Kirk1701 06:45** You've been thinking of that move for a while, haven't you?
> 
> **Kirk1701 06:48** Spock?
> 
> **Spock 06:50** Apologies. I was indisposed.
> 
> **Kirk1701 06:50** You have my sympathy. Are you sure you want to do this?
> 
> **Spock 06:56** Perhaps I should not.
> 
> **Kirk1701 06:57** Understood. I'll check in with you after my duty shift. I hope you feel better soon!
> 
> **Spock 06:58** Spock out.
> 
> *****
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:32** Spock?
> 
> **Spock 17:32** Yes, Jim?
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:32** You're there! How are you feeling?
> 
> **Spock 17:33** My physical condition has improved significantly. I understand that Dr. McCoy had a somewhat heated conversation with Dr. Samara.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:34** I did take the liberty of telling McCoy of your situation and suggesting that he ascertain Dr. Samara's experience with Vulcans. Do I owe you an apology?
> 
> **Spock 17:35** On the contrary; I owe you my gratitude.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:35** And Dr. McCoy.
> 
> **Spock 17:36** Yes.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:36** Ha! I can just hear your voice right now!
> 
> **Spock 17:36** I wish I could hear yours.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:37** It would be nice if we were in the same place. Though I do feel like I always know you're alive.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:37** Except when I'm worried that you've been killed.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:38** Totally illogical, I know.
> 
> **Spock 17:39** No, it is quite logical.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:39** Why?
> 
> **Spock 17:41** It is possible that a spontaneous link has formed between us due to the unusual closeness of our friendship and the number of times we have melded.
> 
> **Spock 17:43** Do you find this disturbing, Jim?
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:44** Not so much disturbing as unexpected. You're a stronger telepath than I. Should I ask what you can sense about me? When we're not in physical contact, I mean. Given how hands affect Vulcans, I should probably keep my hands to myself more than I do with you.
> 
> **Spock 17:45** I cannot prevent my shields from failing when you are in grave danger. And I welcome your touch.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:46** Your shields? How much energy does it take to maintain those?
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:46** You do?
> 
> **Spock 17:47** Unless I have miscalculated, not much more than it takes you to maintain yours.
> 
> **Spock 17:47** And yes, I do.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:50** I never thought of myself as shielding, at least not telepathically. But when I think about it, what you say makes sense. (And I'm glad.)
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:50** Too bad we can't send telepathic IMs!
> 
> **Spock 17:51** That would only happen in a mating bond, and then only with consent of both parties except at the onset of pon farr.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:52** So I don't need to worry about what happens in my quarters when you're in yours?
> 
> **Spock 17:53** Not unless you make an inordinate amount of noise.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:53** Oh.
> 
> **Spock 17:54** The soundproofing is usually quite adequate.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:55** Define "usually".
> 
> **Spock 17:55** 99.1% of the time, I hear nothing from your quarters.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:55** I shall endeavor to reduce the volume during that 0.9% remainder.
> 
> **Spock 17:56** Thank you, Captain. The percentage does, of course, decrease to 78.2 when you are occupying the bathroom.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:57** Shit!
> 
> **Spock 17:57** Not usually.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:58** That was a setup, wasn't it?
> 
> **Spock 17:58** More like an opportunity. And what I usually hear from you is singing.
> 
> **Kirk1701 17:59** Oh god.
> 
> **Spock 17:59** It is not necessarily an unpleasant way to wake up.
> 
> **Kirk1701 18:00** You like my singing?!
> 
> **Spock 18:01** I like your voice.
> 
> **Kirk1701 18:02** Thank you, Spock; I like yours, too.
> 
> **Kirk1701 18:03** I wish we were allowed to send voice messages while you're on this assignment.
> 
> **Spock 18:03** As do I.
> 
> **Kirk1701 18:04** Look at us! We're getting positively mushy!
> 
> **Spock 18:04** I hope that Dr. McCoy is not standing near you at this time.
> 
> **Kirk1701 18:05** I promise you he's not.
> 
> **Spock 18:06** Jim, I must sign off. I am still quite weak and must rest until the morning shift.
> 
> **Kirk1701 18:07** All right, Spock. I'm sorry I'm not there to tuck you in. ;)
> 
> **Spock 18:07** I find that I also regret that circumstance.
> 
> **Kirk1701 18:08** I'm sorry you're still feeling so poorly. May your sleep bring you health and serenity.
> 
> **Spock 18:09** Thank you and likewise, Jim. Spock out.

*****

Kirk awoke the next day with thoughts of Spock in his head and an erection that seemed to like that idea more than it usually did.

Maybe a lot more.

Definitely a lot more.

And this erection wasn't a cheat.

Stroking himself in the shower, it struck him like a lightning bolt that he had quelled any such thoughts on previous occasions not because Starfleet frowned upon command-grade officers on the same ship forming sexual attachments to one another but because the object of his attraction was sleeping (or trying to sleep) in the next room with nothing but a door between them and had astounding hearing.

Spock wasn't there this morning.

Kirk could enjoy himself.

He could make noise.

So he did.

Lots of it.

And he never thought once about female or intersex beings until after he'd come so hard that it hit the bathroom mirror.

It was then that he realized he had a problem. How was he going to cope with being so hopelessly attracted to his First Officer and Best Friend? In all his time in the universe, he'd rarely seen best friendships last once sex was introduced. But perhaps telepathy might make a positive difference on that front. He'd never known any telepathic couples well enough to evaluate the situation properly. He and Spock had melded several times, though not for recreational or social purposes. How might that change the equation?

Why was he even contemplating this? Spock was far and away the best friend he'd ever had. Much as he loved Bones, he loved Spock more and ... differently. Wasn't that what had been missing from all his other romantic relationships? If he listened to his previous partners, it certainly was.

And he'd tamped down his attraction to any crew members – especially Spock – right from the beginning of his time aboard the _Enterprise_. Shipboard romance wasn't for him and never had been.

But Spock....

Spock had seemed exotic, at first – a very important reason to dismiss any attraction, as that was objectifying as hell. Kirk had taken himself to the woodshed mentally and done yet another round of self-education on why "exotic" shouldn't be a concept.

"Hot", on the other hand, was a concept. So were "beautiful" and "desirable" and "lust", none of which were appropriate between Captain and First Officer.

But here he was, his sexual desire and love for Spock fully awakened at the same time. He'd have to bring it up with Spock, though it was among the last things he wanted to do.

But then there were those IMs from Spock the previous night.

Kirk shook the last drops of water from his ears, finished drying himself, put on his clothes and sat down at his terminal.

There was subspace mail.

From Spock.

>   
>  _Jim,_
> 
> _The_ Lexington _has been ordered to commence silent running due to suspicious activity in our vicinity. I wish I could be more specific about the reasons and the time involved, but I am prohibited from discussing the former and so uncertain about the latter as to render any such conversation irrelevant._
> 
> _I hope that our recent conversations have helped you to tolerate the temporary change in my assignment as much as they have me. Your messages made a marginally tolerable aftermath possible to bear with some grace._
> 
> _Concerning our conversation last night, please know that I do not eavesdrop. Vulcans have the ability to refocus our thoughts in such a way as not to register that which we believe to be beyond our allotted area of focus. As you are aware, we value privacy – both our own and that of others._
> 
> _And Jim, I do very much value hearing your voice in nearly every form. I miss your voice almost as much as I miss you._
> 
> _Yours,  
>  Spock_  
> 

Kirk blinked back both the frustration surrounding Spock's situation and the moisture threatening to gather noticeably in his eyes. He wanted to hit the reply key, but that would just spread his incoherent sappiness around the galaxy to everyone but the intended recipient.

Then again, he could write a letter to send later.

> _Spock,_
> 
> _Thank you for letting me know of your situation. I very much wish that Starfleet would allow us to communicate during this time, but I'll forgo the comfort of conversing with you for your safety under any circumstance._
> 
> _Concerning our first exchange two and a half days ago, you were right about my withdrawing. Holidays are always reminders of home and I've never felt at home on a planet since Tarsus IV. In December, I find myself yearning to go "home" and experience the holiday traditions my family used to attempt, but things were never really as great as everyone seems to say they should be. Besides, my dad's dead and so is my brother, so I just keep trying not to be bitter about it._
> 
> _You and McCoy help, though Bones has a way of trying to make everything better via alcohol. One can only find so much comfort in hangover-inducing behavior, even with good friends. I love Bones, but you're the only one who helps me stay on an even keel in December._
> 
> _As the close of our five-year mission draws nearer, I find myself not wanting to imagine a future without you in it. I haven't asked you about your plans, yet. Are you planning to re-up for another tour? If so, would you request assignment with me? Would you object if I insisted on having you as my First Officer again?_
> 
> _To be honest, I can't remember enjoying Christmas more than when I'm taking refuge from it with you over a chess game or in the gym or just having tea in a rec room or one of our quarters. Did I ever tell you that your fire shrine started looking friendly to me when you let me sip that hot tea with you when Uhura made everyone go caroling? Your quarters were the only place off-limits to carolers and I relished every second of my hiding there!_
> 
> _I think of that time when I go and use the shrine now, and of your kindness to me. After so many melds, we can't pretend that we don't hold one another in high regard. But just in case something happens to me, I want you to know that I love you. Or rather, I want to tell you that I love you. I imagine you already know this. Despite what you said about my shielding, I suspect I fail rather badly at it when you're actually in my brainspace._
> 
> _I hope you're safe, Spock, and that I get through this separation between us without killing anyone that doesn't require it. It's probably a good thing that you're not likely to see this letter any time soon, but I do regret not having the courage to tell you how I feel about you._
> 
> _Yours,  
>  Jim_

_"Red alert! Red alert! Captain to the bridge!"_

Kirk punched the comm button. "On my way, Sulu!" He punched the thing off while peeling away from it at top speed.

~~*******~~

_Captain's Personal Log, Stardate ... Christmas. I haven't heard from Spock for two weeks and am very concerned. Even though I'm sure that I would be told if something had happened, Starfleet doesn't order silent running except under very treacherous circumstances. If the_ Lexington _was attacked or captured by Romulans, it is unclear that we would know about it, or that there would be survivors. Romulans don't like taking prisoners and they probably don't look very kindly on Spock after the cloaking device incident._

_Doctor McCoy has informed me that if I don't make the party rounds without making anyone turn white or green, he'll certify me medically unfit for duty until I pass a neuropsychological evaluation and submit myself to "temper training". I doubt that there's any such training available in Starfleet, but I take his point seriously. I have not been at my best during this time and I must improve my attitude and behavior. I wish there were a good counselor on this ship. In fact, there should be a counselor assigned to every starship. I'll make that suggestion to Starfleet in my annual report, even if that does mean submitting the tape of my Briefing Room ... incident._

_Personal reminder: Lieutenant Chang deserves a raise and a field promotion for service and endurance above and beyond the call of duty._

Kirk checked his chronometer and his uniform and ventured out into the fray before he could think any more about Spock.

"Season's greetings, Captain," said Ensign Rawlings.

"Happy Festivus, sir," said a tipsy Crewman Seinfeld.

"Merry Christmas," said ten people in a row.

"Happy Kwanzaa," said Crewman Phelps.

"Happy Holidays," said Lieutenant Fishburn.

"Hiya, Jim-boy!" said McCoy, plastered with good cheer or simply plastered, Kirk couldn't always tell. "Have some eggnog!"

Kirk took the proffered cup gingerly between thumb and forefinger and sniffed at it. Eggnog was tricky unless laced with alcohol, when it became tricky for different reasons but universally palatable. "Whew, Bones! What have you got in there?"

"Good ole' Kentucky rotgut, Jim! What else is a southern boy gonna drink on a Christmas night in the middle of space?"

"Please tell me Nurse Chapel is—"

"Hiya, Captain!"

Kirk wheeled around to see Chapel listing to one side, toasting him with a cup of McCoy's rotgut eggnog. "—Sober."

"Don't worry, Jim. M'Benga's holdin' the fort in Sickbay. Partyin's against his religion!" McCoy's smile widened to the point where it looked like his face might split.

"You mean Christmas isn't part of his belief system," said Kirk.

"You're beginnin' to sound like your First Officer, Jim." McCoy gave him a friendly whack with an elbow.

"On the contrary, Doctor. The Captain is merely stating a fact."

Heads whipped around in a universal gasp.

Kirk turned more slowly to see a cloaked figure standing next to Doctor M'Benga.

The crowd held a collective breath as Spock took one step towards Kirk.

"Permission to remain aboard, Captain."

"Permission granted." Kirk swallowed.

The crowd roared out a cheer.

Kirk took a step towards Spock. "Why are you here?"

"My assignment aboard the _Lexington_ is at an end." Spock took another step forward, as did Kirk. "And I missed you, Jim," he said, quietly. Then he stiffened as he always did when being approached by someone other than Kirk. "Commodore Wesley conveys his greetings and says to tell you that he is quite well and looking forward to his annual martial arts match with you. He says that you are to choose the combat mode again this year in recognition of your gift to him of my service."

"Now that sounds a bit kinky, don't you think, Jim?"

Kirk smiled as Spock's face managed a disgusted look without shifting more than a nostril. "Bones, how much of that stuff have you had?"

"Enough to be willing to let Spock have a night to himself without my pestering him to report to Sickbay until tomorrow."

Kirk looked sharply at McCoy. "You're not drunk," he said in a voice only the three of them could hear.

"Don't push it," McCoy countered in a similar voice. "Spock, those radiation burns still need attention so whatever you two do tonight, make it tame!"

Kirk stared at McCoy. "Would a handshake be okay?"

A very tiny smirk appeared on M'Benga's face.

"Sure, Jim-boy!" McCoy slapped Kirk on the back, hard, thrusting him forward into Spock's instinctual catch.

"Come along, Spock; we've got some catching up to do." Kirk didn't shake Spock's hand in front of McCoy, or M'Benga, or anyone else. But he did clap his hand onto Spock's well-clothed shoulder and felt him quivering underneath it. "I assume you'd rather stay away from the parties," he muttered near Spock's ear, "but do tell me if I'm wrong."

"I would rather discuss your letter, which I received thirty-seven point two eight minutes before rendezvous with the _Enterprise_."

"My letter? What let—oh. Oh, my—how do I ... I'm s—"

"Did you not mean what you said in it?"

Kirk looked around. They were stopped dead in a corridor and about to determine the course of their friendship and very likely their lives together. In his realization, Kirk saw two paths diverging from this moment, much like the intersection they had been approaching in the corridor.

If he denied what he'd said in the letter he just now realized he'd sent, a door would close between them, possibly forever. He could see Spock refusing to sign up for a second five-year mission and going off to Vulcan, presumably to purge himself of emotional human influence.

If he owned it, the same thing might happen or they might become lovers, maybe even life partners with all the privileges and pains that went along with it.

One path offered the possibility of loneliness, the other, its near certainty.

"I meant every word of it."

Spock reached slowly for Kirk's hand, though not with the two-fingered caress Sarek and Amanda had used.

Kirk placed his right hand in Spock's and instantly felt the warmth and joy of it.

"I have been working on a reply to your letter," said Spock, huskily. "Would you like to see it?"

"Yes," said Kirk, unable to control his voice or the tingling of arousal suffusing every atom of his body. "Not even Starfleet could stop me."


End file.
